Break free of this.
Into wild skies of blue and cloud
Winds will touch my face and I will think of you
Arms spread on hilltops
And never-ending light

This is you.
The beauty in the hardest parts.
The beautiful part of me.

Stand still, and watch for movement.
I walk in search of something familiar,
And wait for you to come
Invisible and quiet
I just need a minute to find you again.

And this is you.
The song in my head.
The beat of his heart.

The piece that is found.
The one I always miss.

And we question each other - what is helping now?
so often it is about money.
Or the things that often take little to no involvement or front line work.
Something you can do without looking another in the eye.
There is good in charity and money giving – don’t get me wrong.                                                                                                                                                                     Most of us should probably give more.
But the bigger picture requires getting our hands dirty.
Doesn’t it?

We have become very good at covering up society’s problems.
Or distinguishing which problems belongs to which group.
We do not share our grief and struggle.
We do not reach far enough or deep enough into another person’s disaster.
We decide that there are reasons behind individual loss  -
Yet, those reasons do not include our own indifference and inaction.
We are detached.

Do we not belong to each other?
If someone falls, do we not stop to help them up?
Do we look to see that the ground is rocky
and acknowledge that it could have happened to anyone?
Do we notice that the foot that tripped the fallen was our own?

Our job is not to change others.
But to change ourselves.

Our purpose is to love.
And “In perfect love, there is no fear.”

Running in search of what is already here
we are scattered
and deafened by selfish flight
disguising blindness in a flurry of other obligations,
- forgetful of our transparency

What is worth our time?
And whose reaching hands are we rejecting?
- Only those without strength or will to reach.

I speak in whispers
and hold my breath

Waiting.
And watching the walls heighten

Behind the skin, the pieces crumble
unknown in the newness of today.
But Im not there. Not yet.
Ive dissapeared.

Losing her, and losing trust in those i shouldnt have to.
They found status through inconsiderations and betrayals,
and claimed them as acts of kindness.
But I knew this before.

Its harder to take with a wounded soul.
Harder to forgive.

We scattered.
But Im still frozen in that place.
Im still on the verge of breaking down.
Im still here, but you can’t see me.

Just a minute, and I’ll pick up the pieces
and try to catch my breath.

Brave is something we’re learning here
In days that blend and dissapear
Is this real?
someone wake me up…

I fall asleep on your pillow
in a blanket that smells like you
Yesterday it warmed your sleeping body
yesterday you were here

Closed eyes make me feel like you haven’t left us yet
Im not ready to open them to a void that can’t be filled.

Hold tight now to the edge of your chair…
and memories that chase the dark
and the people that she gave us

For now, we’re still walking in the sun
I still feel you.
here, its just us.
here, we are whole again.

Earlier this week my good friend and I were talking and he told me this story he read somewhere. I won’t repeat it all because he tells it better, but here’s the jist of it.

The story was about a local newspaper asking for an answer to this question: “What is most wrong in the world?” / “What is the biggest problem in the world?” People wrote in with all kinds of answers, and then one guy replied by simply writting: “Dear Sirs, I am.”

We like to blame all the worlds’ problems on things like laziness, race, age, education or lack of, poor parenting, and the list goes on and on. But really, the problem is me.

Im missing Andrew
and my head hurts a little.
Im excited for a new adventure and a new life…someday.
Im thankful for the family that reach to me,
and for those who ached as they said goodbye to Andrew, but who smiled knowing he found what was his.

Today I’m listening to my friend Matt sing
and partly avoiding the homework waiting for me.

She’s still.
The way a child shouldn’t be.
She hasn’t been heard
She hasn’t been seen.
So she’s still.
Taking in the comfort of someone curling her hair.
5 minutes ago I was a stranger.
But it doesn’t matter.
“They’re drinking tonight, and they’ll be here soon.”
She puts up her hood and the walls follow.
“They drink everyday.”
Comfortable is dangerous.
She’ll push away with words that sting.
Guarded and untouched, ready.
8:30 comes too soon.
But it comes anyway.

I haven’t listened to Linkin Park since grade 12 maybe – when they were at all the much music dances, but I’ve gotten hooked on a couple of their songs lately. This one is my favourites right now. I told Andrew that we should sing songs like this at church and I would be pumped. Maybe not exactly like this, that probably wouldn’t fly. But ones that say things we don’t like to talk about, uncover truths we prefer to close our eyes to and push for change, not accepting the world like it is – even if it means you get attacked for what you say or stand for. yeah… (If you don’t like ‘F’ words, there are a couple in here so beware).

Hands Held High – Linkin Park

Turn my mic up louder Ive got to say something.
Lightweights step it aside when we come in
Feel it in your chest, the syllables get pumpin
People on the street they panic and start running.
Words on loose leaf sheet complete coming.
I jump in my mind and summon the rhyme i’m dumping.

Healing the blind I promise to let the sun in
Sick of the dark ways we march to the drum and
Jump when they tell us that they wanna to see jumping.
F**k that, I wanna see some fist pumping.

Risk something, take back what’s yours
say something that you know they might attack you for
cause I’m sick of being treated like I have before
like it’s stupid standing for what I’m standing for.
Like this war’s really just a different brand of war.
Like it doesn’t cater to rich and abandon poor.
Like they understand you in the back of the jet, when you
can’t put gas in your tank, and these f**kers are
laughing their way to the bank, cashing the check
asking you to have compassion, and have some respect
for a leader so nervous in an obvious way
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay
and the rest of the world watching at the end of the day
in the living room laughing like “what did he say?”

Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen

In my living room watching, but I am not laughing,
Cause when it gets tense I know what might happen
The world is cold, the bold men take action
have to react or get blown into fractions.
Ten years old, it’s something to see,
another kid my age drug under a jeep,
taken and bound, and found later under a tree,
I wonder if he had thought the next one could be me.

Do you see, the soldiers, they’re out today they
Brush the dust from bulletproof vests away.
It’s ironic, at times like this you pray,
but a bomb blew the mosque up yesterday.
There’s bombs on the buses, bikes, roads,
inside your market, your shops, your clothes

My dad, He’s got a lot of fear I know
but enough pride inside not to let that show.
My brother had a book he would hold with pride
A little red cover with a broken spine.
On the back, he hand wrote a quote inside:
“when the rich wage war, it’s the poor who die”
And meanwhile, the leader just talks away
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay
and the rest of the world watching at the end of the day
both scared and angry like “what did he say?”

Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen.

With hands held high into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up to swallow you.

With hands held high into a sky so blue
as the ocean opens up to swallow you.

I’ll wait and watch you go. And come when its right.
It isn’t right if it’s not with you.
Everyday is one day closer…
And in between won’t last forever.

Strong doesn’t mean things never break.
I feel like my soul lies in pieces.
And they talk like they know something I don’t.
But if they did, they wouldn’t say a word.

While you’re gone find what is real,
there is a truth for you to discover.
One that is yours alone to fight with and understand.

And know that I am coming.
You’re the only face I see in the crowd.
The only place my thoughts can speak out loud.